Many of you may know I write for Medium. I publish my articles to publications in hopes for more views and the promise of a few extra dollars. The most I have made is $25. Making this venture not very fruitful. However, I have some, what I think are, great pieces. I would like to share them here. I hope you enjoy.
It is easy to isolate yourself into your little corner, with all your books, notebooks, and computer. Maybe you integrate another hobby to keep yourself further isolated. I know I do this. I do it so much I forget to call a friend, I forget to hang out with people. I’m not really a social butterfly. I tend to be a social bear — hibernating and only coming out to eat and stretch my legs.
I’ve been told I need to reach out more, to socialize with others. I am told it is good for my psychological well being. But isn’t indulging in all the things I love good for me as well? I am happy at my desk all day, drinking coffee, and petting my dog.
The truth of it all is when it comes to calling a friend, or socializing at all, the thought seems 100 pounds. The burden is to hard to bear and the phone weighs too much to manage. I freeze. I button up all the way to the neck with fear. I love being om my island, free from small talk, free from formalities, and free from putting myself out there.
I want to socialize. I want to be around people who love me, but I want deep conversations, intellectual thoughts, and a connection making me never want to leave — a connection making this 100-pound phone weigh a mere ounce. I want someone to brave the ride to my island. My safe island.
An island where the only one who can disappoint me is myself. I can’t be rejected here. I won’t cry because of canceled plans, false promises, and friendships lost. I have created this island. The seas to reach it are furious with rage, deep scars, and trauma. There’s always a storm on the horizon. I have created the storms to keep people out when all I really want is to let people in.
I need someone to calm these seas, to keep the storms at bay, to break down the barrier, to set myself free. I could do it myself, but I am rather comfortable here. I enjoy the sounds of the raging sea, the crash of lightning, the roll of the thunder, the promise of being alone. The comfort of my own island.