My Island

Many of you may know I write for Medium. I publish my articles to publications in hopes for more views and the promise of a few extra dollars. The most I have made is $25. Making this venture not very fruitful. However, I have some, what I think are, great pieces. I would like to share them here. I hope you enjoy.

It is easy to isolate yourself into your little corner, with all your books, notebooks, and computer. Maybe you integrate another hobby to keep yourself further isolated. I know I do this. I do it so much I forget to call a friend, I forget to hang out with people. I’m not really a social butterfly. I tend to be a social bear — hibernating and only coming out to eat and stretch my legs. 

I’ve been told I need to reach out more, to socialize with others. I am told it is good for my psychological well being. But isn’t indulging in all the things I love good for me as well? I am happy at my desk all day, drinking coffee, and petting my dog. 

The truth of it all is when it comes to calling a friend, or socializing at all, the thought seems 100 pounds. The burden is to hard to bear and the phone weighs too much to manage. I freeze. I button up all the way to the neck with fear. I love being om my island, free from small talk, free from formalities, and free from putting myself out there. 

I want to socialize. I want to be around people who love me, but I want deep conversations, intellectual thoughts, and a connection making me never want to leave — a connection making this 100-pound phone weigh a mere ounce. I want someone to brave the ride to my island. My safe island. 

An island where the only one who can disappoint me is myself. I can’t be rejected here. I won’t cry because of canceled plans, false promises, and friendships lost. I have created this island. The seas to reach it are furious with rage, deep scars, and trauma. There’s always a storm on the horizon. I have created the storms to keep people out when all I really want is to let people in. 

I need someone to calm these seas, to keep the storms at bay, to break down the barrier, to set myself free. I could do it myself, but I am rather comfortable here. I enjoy the sounds of the raging sea, the crash of lightning, the roll of the thunder, the promise of being alone. The comfort of my own island. 

Let it out... we are all listening.

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