It has been a while. I have been going through a lot of things and I am trying to give myself time to process all my feelings. As many of my long time followers know, I have needed therapy for a long time. I am in constant battle with myself. I struggle with depression, mania, anxiety, and ptsd. Thankfully, I am seeing a great therapist and getting the help I need. In the midst of therapy, and my need to find out who I am, I have let my writing go. It seemed to taxing. Instead of being something that I loved, I began to loathe the idea of it. I made a plethora of excuses. In reality, I am and was tired. I am mentally and physically exhausted. The life has seem to drain right out of me, and no one, I suppose, can write under those conditions.
In therapy, I came to the realization I am stuck. I am defeated. Today I woke with a little more hope, and decided I would write a few words and see if I couldn’t write a few more. So far so good. Being stuck is one of the hardest things to recover from. By no means am I cured from the one therapy session. These are just a few words. But I hope these key strokes will lead to even more words. Perhaps I can get a better grasp on my projects. I would love to write a few chapters of each of my novels – even if those chapters take me the rest of the year.
I learned a few things. When i am manic, I want to do everything all at once. I do, but these things are rushed and when I go back, I toss the work because I think it’s crap. Another thing I do when I am manic is start a hundred new projects. When I am depressed, I can’t follow through with anything. We know this based on my One Year project which lasted two months.
What I have been doing while I’ve been away is keeping track of my cycles and trying to become aware of the signs. As of right now, I am in a normal stage where everything seems fine, but I am having signs of depression. In order to curb it, somewhat, I set goals for myself – only 2 – and my objective is to make the depression symptoms a little better. They are small goals. By no means am I going to ask myself to write 5 chapters of my WIP. I will certainly fail. Perhaps if my attitude were a little better, I could write 5 chapters, but I know what has happened in the past, my mood, and my will power to do so. So I take small steps, because as I say sometimes – The turtle won the race.
I am hoping these small tasks will help me get through the mania, where I want to do everything, and the depression where i want to do nothing.
Here is what I’ve been doing to curb my moods, and keep my creative juices flowing.
I have been keeping a bullet journal. I am new to bullet journaling, but thanks to Pintrest, I have been given some great ideas. In my bullet journal are quotes, progress charts, and doodles. here are some photos.
I am very excited about my journal. It’s better than any notebook I have, which is a lot. I even bought one specifically for writing, and I ordered another one I might use for my WIP specifically. (my wip is The Takeover and my memoir)
I am doing other things to such as drawing, sewing, and reading. I have a goal to read 10 books this year. I am at two so far and chomping down the pages of my third one. 10 books isn’t a high goal, but remember, the turtle won the race and I am trying to get unstuck.
If you deal with bipolar symptoms, or any mental health issues, how do you deal with the symptoms? How do you get through? Let us know and as always thank you for reading.
Lilian is a writer of all things, a lover of animals, and an outdoor enthusiast. Her passions lie in singing, writing, and making others laugh. She enjoys time with her semi-famous dog, Einstein, and her friends and family who swear she’s a rock star. Lilian writes about her past, her present, and how she keeps it together. If you would love to learn more, you can find all you need to know at her website.