Please, for the love of all things, when will I get my head out of my ass and start accomplishing my writing goals? Or any goals for that matter?
That little snippet above, was me yelling at myself for being lazy – what I consider lazy. I hold myself to a higher standard than what I might actually be capable of. In return, it leads to a breakdown in goals. I forget what I have actually accomplished and I focus too much on what I haven’t done. It can be very dibilitating. If I am not carefull, my mood will shift from any slice of positive thinking, and I will spiral into hole of dispair.
Living in my own fighting ring between positive and negative thinking is a match I can longer facilitate. I’m the mediator, and my patience is wearing thin. It came to a draw this past weekened. I had a chance to be alone for three days. My goal was to write as much as I could. I wrote a paragraph and became depleted. I told myself my work was crap, my life was crap, and I was determined to give up. I developed a migraine and I can’t tell if it corraleted to my negativve thoughts, but anything is possible. In return, I slept, watched tv, and then I slept some more. My conclusion is I needed the break, and my body and mind knew just how to get it. It always does.
As for this week, I am highly motivated, but not motivated enough to actually do anything. This blog post is sort of forced. What I would love to do is nap. But I can not achieve my writing goals by sleeping. Although, I have came up with some really good ideas from some lucid dreaming. Maybe I should nap… I can call it productive collaboration.
What comes from all of this is an article of mine was published in a publication called The Writing Cooperative. I was on a high because I couldn’t believe it was actually accepted. My brain decided I need to ride this wave and produce as many articles as I could. I wiped out before I began. Now, I am beating myself up over the lack of anything.
As I learn more about how I operate on a depper level, I also learn how to recognize a reality where my brain and realistic goals merge to work together – instead of my brain conjuring a reality with which I can barely cope. This takes time, effort, and a lot of self-analysis. I am ready, tough. My goal is to write full time, publish a book or five, and live alone with a lot of dogs, plenty of pizza, beer, and coffee. Oh yes, and really good wifi. Really, it isn’t too much to ask.
Now, to get my shit together, and make it happen.
As always, thank you so much for reading.
If you wold like to read my published article, you can find it here, Keeping Organized