I Am…


I enjoy pursuing multiple venues at once. Something about the chaos of many projects sends my limbic into overdrive. I thrive on the deliciousness of not knowing what I am doing but having absolute control over every detail.

I may possibly be insane when I think about everything I am doing and how it is never enough.

All I can think about is what I can achieve next.

However, I am not really achieving anything if I never start what I finish. I have all these open tabs with no real goal.

I am a notebook full of unfinished tasks.

I start a new job today. I hope it will lead to a career. I am tired of finding something that will effectively pay the bills. I crave stability.

Read the last sentence. Here I am thriving on chaos and craving stability. Perhaps I am stable, I just long for more than what I have.

At this very moment I am burning CDs for one job, editing a chapter for my book, thinking about how to publish my children’s book, and fretting about bills, life, work, and when I will get it all together. I feel like a dog chasing its tail and never able to catch it. The tail is too short.

Today I am aimlessly focusing on the negative, when I should be focusing on the positive.

It’s my destructive nature.

I am a displaced soldier wanting peace, but craving the war.

I am everything, and I am nothing.

 

3 thoughts on “I Am…

  1. i find if i am doing a project and i cant or dont feel i can finish it fast enough, i get bored and end up stopping and leave it unfinished for a period of time, maybe even a very long time. when i go back to a project that i have left and finish it, i wonder why i didnt just do this the first time. but, i get bored with a project so i start something else. lather…rinse…repeat…
    good luck on your new project.

    Liked by 1 person

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