I’m Lost for Words

Yesterday was weird. My emotions went from happy, ecstatic, to sad.

I was at work yesterday in my normal mood. During the shift, I learned my divorce was final. I became happy.

I was married for 16 years. 2 were separated.

I was happy because it meant it was over. It meant we filled out the paperwork correctly (which is a big deal when doing it without a lawyer). It meant it was final.

That’s when it hit me. The finalization of it all. The baggage I was carrying sunk to the floor and I was going with it. I’m still holding on especially since it’s all so new.

I think about all the things I need to do, all the people I have to call to change my name.

I feel like I can be normal then.

I was telling everyone at work and of course, we all decided to get a drink.

Then, a storm came through. The temperature dropped, and the wind gained speed.

It was a fast storm.

I work in a tourist town near a lake. The lake is enormous – spanning more shoreline than the state of Florida. It’s beautiful. The hills roll for miles creating breathtaking scenery. People flock to Branson from miles around.

Unfortunately, there were some people on that lake. They didn’t make it and to this moment, the death toll rises.

My heart aches. All I want to do is cry. It’s a tragic incident.

Branson is a close-knit town. Nearly everyone knows everyone. All the business talk of each other. We direct people to do certain things because we know they’ll have a good time.

I kept serving, trying to keep a happy face, watching families have a great time, knowing some families didn’t make it see the next day.

That was hard.

It’s hard to think about now and it’s harder to write.

A good time turned tragic and suddenly my need to feel excited was null.

I grieve for those who lost their lives and those who woke to hear the news that some individuals will not be returning home.

I woke today with the same heavy heart.

I question why and hope the universe or whoever is in control knows the plan.

Yesterday’s events, from my news to the news of the tragic accident on the lake, put a lot of things in perspective.

It also lets you know how quickly your life can change.

If there is one thing you should do today, it’s to look around and appreciate all you have. Hug someone a little tighter. Love someone a little longer. Breathe in all the gratitude you can.

Life is short, complex, and it certainly isn’t fair. Be kind, be thankful, and love as hard as you can.

My eyes are filled with tears. I have emotions I can not hide.

Thank you for reading.


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